Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Holy meltdown, Batman! What did I tell you?

LOL and other overused internet abbreviations. The Religious Right has wasted no time going apeshit over alla them sinful faggots taking home Golden Globes.

This shit is particularly hilarious:

“Last night Hollywood exposed its own corrupt agenda. (It) is no doubt out on a mission to homosexualise America.”

Apparently, watching a movie with gay characters in it will — horrors! — turn you gay! And Hollywood wants to turn everyone gay because — er — because — well, they don't quite say.

Here's more cluelessness.

“Once again, the media elites are proving that their pet projects are more important than profit,” Janice Crouse, of Concerned Women for America, said. “None of the three movies — Capote, Transamerica or Brokeback Mountain — is a box office hit. Brokeback Mountain has barely topped $25 million (£14.2 million) in ticket sales. If America isn’t watching these films, why are they winning the awards?”

Uh, pardon me a moment, you stupid bitch. (Do you mind if I call you that? I could go with "Mrs. Bitch" or just "Mrs. B" if you prefer.) Let's take an actual look at Brokeback's box office performance, shall we? Over the Martin Luther King Day holiday 4-day weekend, Brokeback had a per-screen average of $10,309. That's the highest per-screen average of the top 37 films! Keep in mind that Brokeback is still playing on fewer than 700 screens, compared to the 2000-3000-plus saturation release of big-budget blockbusters. So it's in fewer theaters, as are most serious dramatic films, but it's selling more tickets per showing than almost every other movie out there. And it's been having that kind of draw ever since its initial release. Look at the numbers yourself to see how it's outperforming nearly everything.

Another inconvenient fact that Mrs. B ignored is that Brokeback's production budget was only around $14 million. Its box office cume right now is just over $32 million. So even while it's still in limited release, it's well into profits, which is more than can be said for most $100 million-budgeted event pictures that Hollywood churns out. Something like 80% of movies released to theaters lose money. Brokeback is not one of those movies.

As for Transamerica, it's still in super-limited release, only on 9 screens nationwide so far. But its per-screen average over the MLK Day weekend was $12,239, even higher than Brokeback's! Nope, nobody's going to see these movies, obviously.

You'll notice that the referenced article is from the London Times. What you need to understand is that the Religious Right is a gang of thugs who make Americans as a breed look like idiots. Sophisticated, cultured Londoners read this article and shake their heads and chuckle at us. The fundies are an embarrassment to us on a global stage, especially when they have their meltdowns in front of reporters and television cameras. We look as benighted as the radical Islamists who make their women wear burkas. Here we are, supposedly the world's superpower, and we're populated by hordes of medievalist assclowns.

I cannot imagine being a right-wing Christian. Their lives are governed by two emotions, hate and fear, and their every public utterance is laced with ignorance or deliberate denial of empirical reality. And the sad thing is, like the alcoholic or cokehead who insists he has no problem, they mistake their hate for love, and their fear for strength. They genuinely baffle me. Do they really, really think that if they watch a movie with gay men or transgenders as lead characters, they will come out of that theater "homosexualized"? The mind boggles at such a dysfunctional view of reality. Yup, Brokeback ends, the credits roll, and Joe Fundie looks over at his wife Jane and sees...a stranger. Who is this woman sitting next to him? And how could he have felt love or attraction to her for all these years? Something in him is...changing. And as he staggers dazedly out of the theater and through the lobby, his eyes drift across a one-sheet for the next movie starring The Rock. And he feels a funny tingling...down there...

Oh boy. I almost pity them.

Almost.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Do they really, really think that if they watch a movie with gay men or transgenders as lead characters, they will come out of that theater "homosexualized"?

They might be onto something, there. They come out of the theater and think, "Boy, those folks sure have a shitty deal. Maybe it isn't right to totally hate them and try to make their lives as miserable as possible."

Next thing you know, they're card-carryin' liberals! Can't have that, can we?

Georgie Bush said...

And the sad thing is, like the alcoholic or cokehead who insists he has no problem, they mistake their hate for love, and their fear for strength.

That was a cheap shot... I think?!?!?

Martin Wagner said...

Not in my experience of their behavior. Homophobic right-wing Christians who make it their business to attack gays actually think they are performing a very loving act in letting those awful sinners known what awful sinners they are. Falwell has often publically said how baffled he is that people accuse him of hate speech when he bashes gays. I think he's telling the truth. The pathology runs very deep with these folks.